Suffocation

Suffocation

The intoxication fills my mouth to the brim
until I cannot feel anymore, but I feel
just right, almost fine. Gotta loosen up when
you can, right? Too much, too fast, for too
long can cause great suffering and you and I
both know we don't want that. Well, I probably
shouldn't speak for you, but I know that you will
always let me. No matter what. It's like you're my
other half--I should say "better" half like everyone
else does, but I would be lying. You are like a
drug to me--shake me up, baby, I don't want to
lose that cool, sweet buzz. I long for that amazing
euphoria--give it to me straight--no rocks, just
feeling. Pure, true feeling. Can't get any better
than that daddy-o. Make me forget all my troubles,
my thoughts, my life. I don't even care if you
make me do stupid shit--just make me do something
to make you smile. I long for those pearly whites
gleaming at me like a beacon from God Himself.
Or a lighthouse. Whatever--your choice always. I'd do
just about anything to hear you laugh, to taste that
luscious throaty grumble of glee for myself and
myself only. If you share it with anyone, I will kill you. Do not
test me on that. For as much as you kill me with your
presence, I kill you so much more.
Makes it so hard to breathe sometimes.

The Joke's On You

The Joke's On You

Sitting here, cold block cell,
tattered clothing, smirk
plastered across my face.
I know what I do. Always.
I enjoy killing--makes me
feel. Alive. Do you know the
feeling? I could show you if you'd
like. Could you really handle
it? Could you really handle
me? Do not underestimate.
For the smile on my face could
turn on you at any moment.
By my hands, alone, you could die.
And I always go by the old saying:
A Killing
a day
keeps the
Slaughter away.

These Chicks Don't Even Know The Name Of My Band...

So my life has been crazy to say the least, I guess. I am thinking about moving out earlier than expected---around June 25th or so (between Spring and Summer classes!), but I'm not sure on how Miranda is going to take it. I mean, I don't really live at my apartment anymore (I'm so sorry, lil Alex!) and I barely see her as it is even though we live together, but we are like night and day and my life now revolves around my one true love, Jamiers. I know it's bad wanting to be with your boyfriend all the time, but I love sleeping next to him and I love waking up and receiving a soft kiss upon my cheek. I have to tell her soon though. I hope she takes it well. The guilt that is weighing heavy upon my shoulders is getting bigger and bigger as the day we stop living together gets closer and closer. I loved living with her, though the good and bad times, but I just need something new and refreshing to jump start my new life with Jamie. Can you believe that he's already asking when we are going to get married? I mean, June 7th will be only 4 months and he keeps asking, even if it is in a joking matter, it's waaaayyyy too soon. I love him pieces and can see myself getting married to him and having children, but let me stop and breathe a while, man. And I thought I was being a bit pushy and forward in my last relationship, shit. God, I love him. Anyway, I'm still in Spring semester and the online class is actually going quite good. I have computer anxiety so when I'm on one doing homework (that's the only time I get the anxiety of course...lol....I can have fun on my comp!!) My other classes are going good as well. I think I aced my astronomy 204 quiz today. Man, that class is easy now that I have half the work done for me already. lol I'm kinda glad I dropped the class when I took it with Aaron. We weren't doing so hot then. Oh well, it'll boost my grade point higher. I cannot wait to get out of school! NO MORE DEBT!!! I am sick and tired of asking Jamiers for money. I feel bad. I will pay him back someday, I swear it. I can't wait to move in with Amyers!!! That will be fun and I can do what I want when I want. Jamie is going to live with us and we are going to party!!! Alex will be with me always and we will be happy! I cannot wait!!!